Christmas in Cedarwood Read online

  Colt draped the cloth over the rail in the bathroom, then joined Ashley. He held Ashley tight. “I’m sorry I’ve been out of the loop and gone so much.”

  “It happens,” Ashley murmured. “We’ll get past it. Not worried.” Within moments, Ashley settled in the crook of Colt’s arm. His breathing evened out.

  Colt stared at the ceiling. Ash was so adorable in sleep. He kissed the top of Ashley’s head. Ashley had sounded rather annoyed and saddened by his absence, but Colt didn’t like being away. Things were tender between them and could shatter if he wasn’t careful. Hopefully his surprises would make up for where he lacked. “Merry almost Christmas, babe. It’s only going to get better from here.”

  Chapter Six

  Four days until Christmas…

  Ashley pulled into the parking lot and stopped next to Colt’s car. He hated helping at the diner because he tended not to know what he was doing, as if he was underfoot more than anything. At least his mother had been able to stay with Wyatt. She’d seemed almost gleeful about it.

  His head ached. A hundred questions ran through his mind. He drummed on the steering wheel, then shook his head. He’d enjoyed his surprise the night before and the time with Colt, but something didn’t sit well with him. The tree had been nice, but why did Colt seem so interested in picking it out when they had one at home? There had to be more to the gesture than just selecting a proper display for the house.

  Chills ran the length of his spine. Colt had mentioned Aiden and Matt had gotten engaged—was he jealous? Maybe a little. He didn’t regret moving in with Colt, but part of him worried he’d moved too fast. He wanted stability for Wyatt, and Wyatt and Ashley needed a schedule. How were they supposed to have dinner as a family on a consistent basis if one of them wasn’t there? He should talk to Colt, but when? He didn’t want to ruin Christmas.

  “Fuck.” He slammed the heel of his hand onto the steering wheel. Of all his relationships, only Danica, his best friend and the mother of his son, and Colt made him this emotional about romantic relationships. He sighed. Getting angry wouldn’t bring Colt home more often. It’d drive him away.

  Ashley swallowed his anger and left his car. The chilly winter air blew under his parka. He groaned. Even with the coat zipped, the brutal Ohio wind still seeped into his bones. He locked the car, then headed into the rear of the diner.

  “Hey.” Shelby cornered Ashley. “Colt said you were coming in. Can you help with the dishes? We’re so behind. Please?”

  “Sure. Let me ditch my coat.” He left his things in the office and, without stopping to see Colt, grabbed one of the three bus tubs. He rinsed, sorted and stacked the first load into the washer compartment. As that load washed, he took care of the second bus tub.

  “I told Colt you were fine. He’s been on the floor since three. It’s been a madhouse today.” Shelby plunked another tub down. “I’ll help put what’s clean away when I come back.”

  “Thanks.” He liked Shelby. She knew her job and did it well. Plus, she got along with the customers. The one thing that drove him nuts was her chattiness. He opened the compartment and slid the clean dinnerware onto the drying counter. Although the plates and cups were hot, he pushed through until he had the rack unloaded. Within minutes, he had the next load in and the one after it rinsed.

  Ashley glanced over his shoulder but didn’t see Colt in the kitchen. He heard Colt’s voice, though. Colt could’ve at least shouted a hello.

  Shelby breezed back into the kitchen. “Great.” She grabbed the stack of plates. “Thank you. Gidget had choir practice. I guess they’re caroling down at the square on Christmas Eve.”

  “That’s nice.” He hadn’t known the dishwasher was in the choir, but he vaguely recalled seeing the notice in the school staff bulletin about the upcoming concert. “How much more is out there?”

  “Five tables’ worth, but it’s worse than it sounds.” Shelby sighed. “I love the tips at the holidays and the people are great, but my legs are killing me.”

  “I bet,” Ashley said. The washer beeped and he opened the door. Steam billowed out. He wafted it away. “Bring me the rest. I’ll get it done so you can get home to your kids.”

  “You’re a gem.” She kissed him on the cheek. “You know, if you liked girls and weren’t with Colt, I’d make a play for you.” She winked, then took the empty bus tub away.

  He shook his head. He didn’t see what anyone thought was so great about him. Danica had claimed he was a hunk. Colt…well, he always used the word beautiful. Now Shelby… Didn’t they realize he was boring? An art nerd with a kid, not a super catch.

  He pushed another rack through the cycle and put the hot but clean dishes away. By the time he checked the clock on his phone, he had all but whatever was out in the dining room washed and put away.

  He dried his hands, then texted his mother to make sure Wyatt was fine. When she texted back that he was, Ashley relaxed a bit.

  Shelby bounded up to him. “Hey, I’ve got a super heavy tub out there. Can you give me a hand?”

  “Don’t hurt yourself. Break it into two loads,” Ashley said. “I’ll get half and you can get the rest.” He picked up a tub. “Okay?”

  “Sure.” She strolled out of the kitchen, leaving him alone.

  “Here, let me get the other one,” Ashley muttered. He followed her into the dining room. He blinked in the dim light. Colt must’ve gone berserk with the twinkle lights.

  Shelby clapped and Russ, the cook, cheered. “Surprise!” Shelby shouted. She moved out of the way to reveal a table set for two people.

  Colt inched up to the table. Two candles flickered and what seemed like a thousand twinkle lights glittered on the ceiling.

  Ashley dropped the bus tub. The thud echoed in the room. “Sorry,” he murmured. “I’m a klutz.”

  Shelby picked up the tub. “You’re fine.” She elbowed him. “I had to stall you until we had the room set up and dinner made. You’re a champ, though. Russ and I were going to wash those dishes. You saved us a lot of work.”

  Colt opened his arms. “Come here, you sweaty, overachieving man.”

  The tips of Ashley’s ears burned. “I thought you needed help.”

  “I know.” Colt embraced him. “I lied.”

  He shrugged but didn’t pull away from Colt’s strength. “Well, now you’ve got a little less to do tonight.”

  “I’m glad, even if it wasn’t required,” Shelby said. She gestured to Russ. “Shall we?” She waved and nudged Russ out of the room.

  Colt squeezed Ashley. “I heard you jumped in right away.” He nodded to the table. “Like?”

  “I do.” He wished he hadn’t said those words. God help him, he didn’t want to mislead Colt. “It’s great.” He also wished he had time to clean up.

  “Well, then happy surprise number two.” Colt let go of Ashley and pulled the chair out for him. “You weren’t supposed to do those dishes, but you did and I’m thankful. I’ll have Santa fill your Christmas sock a little fuller.” He popped open a green bottle. “Not wine. We’ve both got to drive home tonight. Sparkling cider.” He filled both fluted glasses. “Just you and me for a change.”

  “Is that a problem?” Ashley said, before he had the chance to take the words back. Fuck. He hadn’t meant to sound like a dick. “Sorry.”

  “Ash, no.” Colt frowned. “We don’t see each other much these days and haven’t had a date in forever. We’re going to have a real one soon. I promise.”

  “Oh.” He’d sounded like a grade-A jackass. “Sorry.”

  Colt sat across from him, then grasped his hand. “I love you and Wyatt. I love our adventures and how we’re a family, but you need a break.” He toyed with Ashley’s fingers. “Ma was available tonight because I’d asked her over a month ago. I’ve had these surprises in the works for a while.”

  “You have?” he blurted. He’d thought Colt was too busy at work. Now he had time to plan special stuff? He’d prefer Colt being home to any surprise.

&n
bsp; Colt nodded. “You’re good under stress, but I know the time apart is killing you.” He let go of Ashley’s hand. “I’m going to make up for it.”

  At least he hadn’t proposed. Ashley folded his napkin on his lap. “I see.” He needed something to do with his hands. He doubted Colt would ask him to marry him, but still. He wanted to be prepared. Wanted to know what to say…how to politely turn him down.

  “You don’t believe me.” Colt sat back in his chair. “Not a bit.”

  “I do.” He had to think through what he wanted to say. “I’m just tired.” Damn. He’d fumbled. That wasn’t what he needed to express at all.

  “I’m sure you are and it’s going to get better. Speaking of better…” Colt removed the lid on the platter. “I had Russ make your favorite. Manicotti with the three-cheese sauce and no hot dogs anywhere.” His eyes sparkled. He had to be pleased with himself. Why shouldn’t he be? He’d created a nice dinner.

  Ashley dipped his head. The gesture was nice. His favorite food, sparkling cider, a babysitter… Too bad his stomach was in knots. He waited for Colt to dish out the food. “It smells great.”

  “I told Russ what I wanted, and he made it happen.” Colt nudged a bowl of salad toward Ashley. “I wasn’t going to push, but I can’t ignore the elephant in the room. Don’t keep whatever is bothering you from me. I know you’re upset.”

  “I’m not angry.” Liar. Well, no, he wasn’t angry. Just…wound too tight.

  “I never said angry. You’re upset. I see it in your eyes.” Colt left his chair, then pulled one close to Ashley. “What’s bothering you?”

  God. He didn’t want to do this. Not right now. Not before Christmas. Not at dinner. He’d decided too late that he wasn’t sure about him and Colt, but as his mother had always told him, he’d done it so now he had to live with the decision.

  “Okay,” Colt said. “We’re going to play a guessing game. Ashley is under stress. He’s grumpy and tense. Why? Are we having money trouble that I don’t know about?”

  “No.” They were fine on that, but why did Colt think of financials first?

  “I’ve put in extra hours here to keep the place running and profitable.” Colt frowned. “Is your mom okay? She said she was fine this morning. She mentioned something about going to the indoor walking track with her new beau… Has he been mean to her?”

  “She’s great. She and Herman are getting serious.” He wasn’t thrilled his mother had a boyfriend living with her, but if they were happy, who was he to argue?

  “Okay, so not money and not your mom. Then…men. Are you having an affair?” Colt murmured. He paled. “You’re not a cheater. What’s going on?”

  “No.” Jesus. “I’m not having an affair. I have enough trouble keeping you happy. Why would I try to add someone else? I’d fail at that too.” Shit. He hadn’t wanted to admit that to Colt.

  “Honey, you’re not failing.” Colt petted the back of Ashley’s head, then palmed his neck. “I’m beyond happy.” He met Ashley’s gaze. “What’s wrong with Wyatt? I love him like he was mine. Is he sick?”

  “No.” Damn it. Tears burned behind his eyes. He hated to cry, but Colt had him on the verge of tears.

  “Then what, Ash? Tell me. We can figure it out.” Colt caressed the back of Ashley’s neck. “Please?”

  His headache increased and wetness streaked down his face. What was he afraid of? He’d wanted this twosome with Colt. He’d pressed and pushed, despite his initial hesitancy. But he wanted his man—the one he rarely saw. “You’re never home.”

  “I know.”

  “Sometimes it feels like the diner is more important.” He sounded like a pouty child.

  “You’re jealous?” Colt asked, his voice level.

  “A little.” He sucked in a ragged breath. “I’m being spoiled or bratty—however you want to look at it—but I thought you’d be around more. Wyatt and I need schedules. He needs stability. How do we get that if it’s just him and me all the time? I can do him and me. I brought you into the mix because I thought I’d have a partner. A real one, not silent. I’m tired of coming in second or last behind the diner. Yes, it’s your business, but, Jesus. You can delegate. Have Shelby become a manager. She’d be great, and that would free you up a few nights to be home with us.” His throat ached and his stomach lurched. “If I still wanted to be a single parent, I would’ve stayed single.”

  “Ash,” Colt whispered.

  He’d wounded Colt, but he had to get the words out. The pain resonating in Colt’s eyes cut him deep, but too bad. He’d kept all these feelings bottled up for a long time. “I can’t do this.” He pushed the food away. “I need to go.” Ashley escaped to the silence of the bathroom. Crying in public wasn’t his idea of fun, but the tears fell anyway. He leaned against the sinks and turned his back on the mirror. He knew how to teach art and sometimes how to raise Wyatt, but relationships weren’t his forte. They made no sense to him. He should be enjoying the dinner and Colt’s company. Instead, he’d run away. God damn it.

  After a few moments, the bathroom door opened and Colt ventured into the room. “I locked the doors and the sign’s out. Russ and Shel left.”

  “Good.” He sighed. “Colt, I’m sorry.”

  “You’ve said that a few times tonight.” Colt leaned against the stall dividers. “Why?” He kept his voice soft and didn’t ask anything else. He just stared at Ashley.

  “I ruined your surprise. The food’s cold. I cried and I hate doing that.” He wiped his face with the back of his hand. “You went to a lot of trouble, and I jacked it all up.”

  “You did, but I’d rather you tell me you’re upset than hide it.” Colt widened his stance and stuck his hands in his pockets. “You’re right. I’ve been here too much. I’ve delegated before, and it’s bitten me in the ass. I’m afraid to do it again because I don’t want to get screwed. Until you came along, I was in charge of me. Now I’ve got others to think about and I’m scared that I won’t be able to hold up my end of the money situation. Unfortunately, I got caught up in that and screwed us up. I knew you were upset and what’s been going on has eaten at you. I look at the clock when I’m here and wince. You’re at home and I’m missing out. Again. I hate it. Then I’m afraid to show my face.”

  Colt understood. Ashley shouldn’t be relieved, but he was and a little sad too. Being away affected Colt more than he’d let on.

  “The truth is, I’m trying to build up the staff again, so I don’t have to be here every hour of the day,” Colt said. “But I’ve been busy too. I wanted to do something special for you to remind you that even if I’m not doing my job the way I should, I still love you more than I ever thought I could. I want the best for you. I love Wyatt and the dogs…and the family we’ve created. I treasure it.”

  “I know.” He felt like a heel. He dragged a long breath into his lungs, then let it out. “I’m being childish. We can’t be joined at the hip.”

  “You’re asking for dinner together three nights a week and that’s not too much. Family time will be my priority.” Colt crossed the room and stopped in front of Ashley. “Maybe we aren’t joined at the hip, but we can be at the ass.”

  “You’re terrible.” He sobered. “But I knew what I was getting into when we started this. Being here is your business. You have to nurture it, too.”

  “But you deserve a change.”

  He shouldn’t lie. “Yes, but I’m compromising. It’s not a big deal.”

  Colt grasped Ashley’s hands. “I know you’re hurting. You’re lonely. I would be if I were you. It’s tough and you’re doing the best you can. You keep saying Wyatt needs structure, which I believe he does, but you do, too.”

  “I do.” His eyes burned with new tears.

  “Yesterday’s surprise was to floor you.” Colt cupped Ashley’s jaw. “Tonight was for the two of us to have a night to ourselves. Me whisking you away for a nice dinner. No worries. No cares. Just us. I thought I’d planned this pretty well, but I forgot about the va
riables. I blew right past your feelings and I’m sorry.”

  “Colt.” He knew his lover wasn’t trying to be mean. Jesus. And everything Colt said was right, but it hurt, too. He expected things from Colt that weren’t always going to be possible.

  “Give me another chance.” Colt brushed his thumb across Ashley’s bottom lip. “I don’t deserve it, but I’d love one.”

  “Colt.” He’d give his boyfriend pretty much anything. He might be stubborn and spoiled, but he loved Colt.

  “You know, the other part of this surprise was going to be me telling Shelby she’s the manager after Christmas. I’m letting her run the place—at least for those three nights—so I can have time with you two.”

  “Are you serious?” Shelby was a good choice for manager, but he hadn’t thought Colt would actually do it.

  “For you and Wyatt, I’d do a lot. I’d give my life for you,” Colt said. “I don’t want more of his childhood going by without me around. I don’t want to push you away.” He kissed Ashley. “Surprise?”

  “Colt.” He believed in what Colt had said. “You aren’t losing me.”

  “No?”

  He shook his head. “I needed to hear you say all of that, but I knew it. I’m just… You’re right. I’m lonely.” He met Colt’s gaze. “I love you too.”

  “Thank you, Jesus, and Merry Fucking Christmas to me.” Colt kissed Ashley hard. “I make Matt and the others I sponsor in the addiction recovery group pour out their feelings, but I never do it myself. Thank you for keeping me honest.”

  “Any time.” He sagged into Colt. Things were getting better.

  Colt caged Ashley between his body and the sink. “Speaking of being honest, do you know we’re alone and the diner is closed? No one will interrupt us or hear anything.” He rubbed Ashley’s back. “I’ve always wanted a quickie in this bathroom.”

  “You have?”

  “Uh-huh. From the first time I saw you and heard you tell Wyatt not to eat the whole hot dog at one time. I wanted to haul you in here and kiss you until your knees gave out, then to bury myself in your ass while I bent you over the sink.” Colt’s eyes flashed. “You’re sexy and I want you.”